Rhymin’ Weekly Weigh-in, and Serenity Now!

Good morning, everyone! Hey, did you know it’s just exactly one week (7 days) till Christmas morning? Are you ready? Have you got your moral compass synchronized, to resist all those last-minute wiles of the satanic, evil merchants and credit card companies? Remember, they just LOVE to see you wildly overspend this week. Who cares if you have to mortgage all your worldly possessions to pay their usurious interest charges? I mean, everyone knows Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, whose birth we’re celebrating, WANTS you to buy everyone on your list a ridiculously overpriced box of chocolates, and have it delivered by one of their wildly UNDERpaid employees. Don’t even think about just making some homemade cookies and delivering them yourself! That’s … that’s just decadent, man! Get a REAL present, you cheapskate!

Anyway, time for the Weekly Weigh-in! Ready? Here goes!

Time to do some little kicks!

I have to confess, I was a little worried. My knees have been sore for a couple of days. Sometimes that means it’s going to rain. (Yes, that’s right — I have weather-predicting knees!)

"My back says 'low pressure', my joints say 'cold' and my old UFC injury says 'snow'. Back to you, Katie."

Comes in handy, when they’re accurate! However, this time I didn’t think that “rain” was the reason, since, if you’ve been paying attention to the news cycle, we’re currently experiencing some crazy-dry winds and horrific wildfires, out here in beautiful sunny Southern California.

And btw, if you really want to give a meaningful Christmas gift, how about taking all that money you were going to use to buy a piece of crap for your great-aunt Tilly, and donate it to the American Red Cross instead? They’ll use it to help someone whose Christmas has been all but destroyed by the wildfires or some other disaster. Someone who actually NEEDS it.

Unlike your third cousin Jerry, in Oklahoma. You know, Jerry — that guy you’ve never actually seen in person since you were both five years old, but your mom always asks you if you sent him a card, and makes you feel vaguely guilty (moms have a way of doing that) when you say “no” because apparently Jerry’s mom and your mom went to summer camp together, so he’s really almost like your own brother, sort of, so why didn’t you send him something, you cheap bastard?

Well, my advice is, send the money to the Red Cross, and send Jerry an email saying you did it in his name. (CC your mom, just in case.) The Red Cross will use it wisely. You’ll feel better. Jerry won’t care.

And remember – whatever you do – whatever you give – whatever you celebrate or don’t celebrate – enjoy your week, and don’t let the rampant materialism destroy your peace of mind! Serenity Now!



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