Still waiting, so how’s about a Schitt’s Creek Yarn review, because why not?

Well, howdy, pardners! Well, now my surgical date has been confirmed as being “definitely on January 7th, or maybe the 6th, we’ll let you know”! So, armed with that helpful information, I’ve been spending a lot more time crocheting and knitting, which means I need a lot more yarn.

So yesterday, I’m wandering the aisles of the Simi Valley JoAnn’s store, when “what to my wondering eyes did appear / but this display of yarn based on a show I’ve been binge-watching during the latter part of this year!”

Charmed by this unexpected convergence of my personal preferences with those of Corporate America, I chuckled, at first charmed with the names Lion Brand had chosen for the relatively bland and pedestrian colors: “Hide Your Diamonds” (white), “Rose Apothecary” (different white), “Black Crow” (black, duh), “Rosebud Motel” (red), “A Little Blush” (pale pink), “Finding David” (charcoal grey), “Johnny Suit Grey” (three guesses). All very cute at first, then kind of mystifying. I mean, I get “Rosebud Motel” and “Black Crow,” but charcoal grey for “Finding David” didn’t really seem apropos.

Also, the yarn itself isn’t really that inspiring. It’s worsted weight, and 100% acrylic, and to be honest, feels like something you’d have picked up at the local yarn store back in the ’70s when acrylic yarns first hit the market. Maybe that’s exactly what happened. Maybe Lion Brand had warehouses stuffed with yarn that they hadn’t been able to pawn off on the increasingly sophisticated palates of yarn consumers when trendy yarn shops took off in the years after 9/11. Now that all those stores have either gone online-only or closed outright post-pandemic, Lion Brand, aka Moderately Crappy Giant MegaBrand Yarn, is back in business, baby!!

I mean, acrylic yarn isn’t “bad” per se. Some of the acrylics you youngsters use these days

are pretty good. In fact, Bernat blanket yarns are 100% polyester, and they’re soooo comfy and soft to work with, they’re like a massage for your fingers. Heck, you might even say they’re sensuous!

So it’s not a problem that Schitt’s Creek Yarn is 100% acrylic. The problem is that it’s just not a very good acrylic. In fact, the two skeins I finally decided to buy (“Rosebud Motel” and “Bob’s Garage,” which is denim blue) had little flecks of dust on them, which confirms me in my belief that Lion Brand is taking the ” $ ” in the official Schitt’s Creek logo just a bit too seriously.

Also, I think anyone who’s familiar with the show could have come up with some WAY better names and colorways for this yarn. Just off the top of my head, how about “David’s Sheets,” which would be white with little flecks of red, based on the episode where David babysat for his boss’s teenage stepdaughter? Those of you who’ve seen the show know exactly what I’m talking about, and for those of you who haven’t, well …

Or how’s about “David’s Sweaters,” a black/white color combo, or “Folding in the Cheese,” with different shades of yellow and orange? I mean, the possibilities are endless! But hey, Lion’s Brand went for the cheap stuff, so the best part of the yarn, IMHO, is the label with the photo of the Rosebud Motel on it.

And to be fair, the price point isn’t too bad, especially since JoAnn’s is doing their post-Christmas 20% off everything sale right now. So hey, why not just buy one of every color and put them on a display shelf in your Rose Apothecary replica?

You’re basically paying for the label, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I mean, I don’t know about you, but I’ve bought wines based on the cleverness of the name or the label, which no one in their right mind would actually DRINK.

Also, I don’t hate the idea of having yarns based on various streaming shows. Frankly, though, I think “Corner Gas,” my all-time fave, would have been a better choice, given that Emma, one of the main characters, is almost always knitting, sometimes alone, sometimes with friends.

But who knows what the bigwigs at Lion Brand have up their collective corporate megasleeves? Maybe 2022 is the year we’ll finally get that line of “Game of Thrones” colorways (various shades of grey, white, and black) we’ve all been dreaming about.

So there you go, my review of Lion’s Brand Schitt’s Creek Yarn, in a nutshell! And good news: while I was halfway through writing this, my phone rang and it was my surgeon’s office, confirming my surgery date and time: Friday January 7th at 9:30 a.m.!!

So now I’ve got some phone calls to make! Meantime, why not tell me about your dream yarn ideas, or perhaps some bad yarn names you’ve encountered. See ya next week!