Well, I was all set to tell you a sad story about how it had finally happened — it’d been pretty obvious for a while, like the proverbial roaring freight train.

No, no, THAT’S not what I was talking about! It’s my weight! I was all set to reveal that I’d gone over the 200-pound cliff and was ready to soldier on and fight the good fight and all that happy crappy stuff. But good news, I don’t have to!

198.6

And congrats, Ms. Harris! You might not have been my first pick, but as I’ve opined recently, you and Crazy Joe are basically the proverbial Potted Plant so many of us are willing to vote for at this point.

Funny thing is, now that I muse on it, Trump was kinda the Potted Plant of 2016, wasn’t he? Lots of Democrats and “undecideds” decided they’d rather have ABC (Anyone But Clinton), and since Trump was definitely Anyone…

he was pretty much the only option for keeping Gropin’ Bill Clinton out of the Oval Office.

But sooner or later, every potted plant starts to go bad (at least, all the ones I’VE ever been responsible for!). So this time, yeah, Biden’s pretty much the designated Potted Plant of 2020.

Which might not be a campaign slogan he’d appreciate, but what the hell, he’s got my vote anyway. As for Kamala, I’ll be honest — I didn’t really care for her till a few months ago, when I heard her interviewed by Will Farrell on “The Ron Burgundy Podcast.”

https://app.stitcher.com/splayer/f/364891/63078906

And as one of my favorite cousins pointed out (hi Laura!*), that means we’ll get a whole lot more Maya Rudolph, yay!

I’ve got a soft spot for people who make me laugh, which is probably why I voted for Trump — let’s be honest, the man used to be an entertainer, after all! And y’know, you get what you pay for in this life.

But now, unfortunately, the laugh’s on US, so I say it’s time for a change — not just in the White House, but in my diet!

Yeah, it’s taking a lot of effort to turn this caboose around, but we’ll do it! Trust me — have I ever lied to you?

Never mind! Anyway, calorie counting works, so I’ll definitely be hoping for another happy loss next week (as well as one in November, nyuk nyuk!)!