Good morning, and welcome back, everyone! Hope y’all had a wonderful [insert Springtime religious/secular holiday name of choice]! As expected, my weight went up a tad:

203.8

But given all the kielbasa and pirogis and Easter eggs, that’s to be expected

No, no, I didn’t forget!! And you know what? A 5-peep box is only 140 calories, which means (let’s see, divide by 5, carry the 2… ) —

— each sweet, gooey, marshmallow-y Peep is less than 30 calories, which means

Peeps are really DIET FOOD!

That’s one of the fun things about creating your own diet based on calorie counting alone — you can make up the rules yourself!

Wellll … actually, the Points (or “calories” if you’re not on Weight Watchers) DO count, but the point

is that once you’ve decided how many calories to allot yourself per day, it’s completely up to you to decide which foods make up those calories! You can have whatever you want (or need)!

Try thinking of it as a game – you get (say) 1,500 calories every day and it’s totally up to you what foods that will consist of and when you’ll eat them:

1) You could divide it by three, and have three pretty decent 500-calorie meals. (That’s the premise behind the venerable No S Diet that I’ve talked about here before.)

2) You could divide it by two and have two KICK-A$$ fast food meals — say, a 750-calorie Big Breakfast at Micky D’s, and for supper, a Western Bacon Cheeseburger at Carl’s Junior.

3) You could have ONE outrageously rich meal, and spend the rest of the day recuperating.

4) You could have multiple little “snack breaks” throughout the day — a string cheese (50-80 calories, depending on brand) here, a fresh orange picked off the tree there (60-90 calories depending on size) — basically just munching on stuff all day long.

(And as a bookworm, I have to confess, this is my favorite way to do it! After all, how can I POSSIBLY have the energy to plow through the latest Stephen King offering without constant sustenance at hand??)

5) Or you could be (sigh) sensible (boring!!) and eat three SMALL meals a day with two or three SMALL snacks in between.

Yeah, I know! Still, #5 is probably the most “sensible” way. But really, you could do ANY of those things (or come up with your own!). As long as you’re keeping within whatever calorie limit you’ve figured out will work for you, it’s all good. At least, that’s the theory!

I mean, I gained a pound over the last two weeks, so what do I know? Of course, I haven’t actually been staying within my calorie limit for much of that time, but hey, I’ll try anything once!

And hey, who knows? Maybe if I actually practice what I preach for a while, I might see some results! What do you say? I’m ready to get started on my new, unpatented, uncopyrighted Brilliant Calorie Distribution Plan! I mean, it’s totally unoriginal — Professor Mark Haub lost weight eating all junk food —

But it could still work! Let’s try it, okay?

Let’s give it a shot! Let me know in the Comments how you distribute (or plan to distribute) YOUR calories! See you next week when I’ll let you know how it worked!

Oh and P.S., I almost forgot to mention (I mean, I put it in the post title and everything!!) but I GOT MY VACCINE YESTERDAY, yayy!!

And yeah, my left arm is hella sore, but it’s a small price to pay for that all-important sense of security that comes with knowing YOU’RE doing the right thing, even if no one else is!